


The Waiting

by robinasnyder



Series: The Waiting [1]
Category: Doctor Sleep (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Past Prostitution, heavy on the comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21676798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: Dan has lived on the streets too long to not know that everything always has a price. Billy Freeman has been kind to him; gotten him a place to stay, given him a job, helped him get sober. Dan’s had to give away a lot of himself for a lot less. He needs to pay Billy’s price before Billy tries to claim the bill himself.But Dan badly misjudges the situation. He finds himself in an entirely new relationship that is entirely outside of his experience. Billy asks him for a year, and there is little Dan wouldn’t be willing to give him.
Relationships: Billy Freeman/Dan "Danny" Torrance
Series: The Waiting [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742647
Comments: 22
Kudos: 146





	1. Thanks

Dan kept replaying the past few days in his head. He kept playing most of his life over in his head. Being drunk kept that at bay. It kept a lot of it at bay. But he was five days sober and he’d just gotten a real opportunity at a job, a couple of jobs. And some things just were not adding up. It was Billy, Billy who just was so kind and welcoming. Billy was a good man, he had a little shine, Dan thought. But Dan knew not to always trust that shine, and he learned in his life that nothing ever came free.

He shouldn’t be hesitating for this. Billy was just down the hall. But all hell, did Dan hate having to be the one to request this. He hated having to be the one to beg to get fucked in exchange for something. So long as he didn’t ask, Billy was just the nice guy who was helping him. As soon as Dan went and asked, went and begged for his price, it would be over. The illusion would be broken. But if he didn’t do it soon, Billy would probably be angry and make him leave everything.

There was a steep price for this kind of help, and Dan was pretty enough, even if he was older now. 

Billy was attractive; maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. And honestly, getting fucked would probably be less bad than some other kind of price.

Dan took a couple breaths, steeling his nerves before he pushed himself up. 10:30, close enough to bed that no one would bother them, but Billy wouldn’t likely be asleep yet. Dan took another breath. This was a nice room, decent. It was a good town. Dan breathed in again, and let it out slowly.

“Okay,” Dan said to himself. He took another breath, braced his shoulders. He walked out of his room and down to Billy’s. It wasn’t far, but the steps seemed to stretch. He remembered how long this walk seemed to be only five days ago, when he went to Billy to ask for more help. He’d been fighting himself every step of the way, fighting back his need and fighting back against this moment, and knowing it would eventually come. 

And then he was there, in front of Billy’s door once more. He knocked without letting himself stop to think if he should.

“Just a minute,” he heard Billy call. Dan took a breath and braced himself once more. He couldn’t pretend this wouldn’t be bad. But it wouldn’t last forever. It would be over and he could go back to bed and sleep and go to work in the morning and pretend to be a normal man.

God, he wished he could just be normal.

The door opened and there was Billy, standing in his doorway and smiling. Billy had a kind smile and kind eyes. Dan’s eyes slipped over them, to Billy’s hair, which was still braided from the day. Dan liked those braids, something about them were fascinating to him. They were both ornamental and functional.

“Hey, Dan, what can I do for you?” Billy leaned casually against the door he was holding open. He was in his undershirt and pants from the day, no shoes or socks. Slightly undressed looked good on him.

“Can we talk for a moment?”

“Should I be worried?” Billy asked, but he stepped aside and let Dan in. The door shut behind Dan once he stepped inside. Unlike Dan’s room, which was barely lived in but homey because their landlady liked it that way, Billy’s room actually had life. He’d been there for a while. He had things to show that this was his space. Dan half wondered if eventually, he would feel like he could stay one place long enough to have a room like that.

“No, I promise,” Dan said with a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s not the way you want to phrase something when you don’t want someone to worry, man,” Billy said. He turned and sat on his bed. Billy didn’t invite people up to his room, so sitting included the bed or one chair. Last time, Billy patted on the bed for Dan to sit and tell him his troubles. He did the same now.

This time, Dan nearly felt sick at the implication of what it meant. But he sat down none the less.

“What is it?” Billy asked. The smile had waned form his eyes a bit. He could feel things, Dan was certain. He probably felt his anxiety.

“I was thinking, that it’s probably time I try to thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” Dan said.

The smile returned to Billy’s eyes. He laughed and shoved lightly at Dan’s shoulder. It occurred to him how many years it had been since he’d had even casual intimacy like that. Too long. Perhaps this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought. He was just psyching himself up, surely.

“You don’t have to do anything. Like I said, I just have a feeling about you. A good feeling.”

Dan noticed that Billy wasn’t saying where he had the feeling. Dan doubted it was in his gut, more likely in his groin. Dan’s eyes were drawn there for a moment. When he looked back up to Billy’s face, he found the man was blushing. That made Dan blush. Too bad Dan was so fair; he couldn’t hide his blush at all, even with his beard. 

“You sure you wanted to talk to me about thanks?” Billy asked. If Dan didn’t know better he’d almost say he sounded shy. But Dan had been on the streets too long to not know better. 

“Oh, it’s definitely about thanks. “ He wasn’t about to let this go unlabelled as what it really was. He couldn’t let Billy take this from his and then demand a different payment later. He had learned that the hard way long ago. 

Dan shifted closer until their knees were touching. He dropped his hand on Billy’s knee, making the man startle. The look on Billy’s face did surprise Dan. It was vulnerable. 

“I should thank you,” Dan said, leaning across the gap, nearly laying his chest on Billy’s chest so he could kiss him. Billy closed his eyes and kissed back. 

“Thank me?” Billy whispered, his mouth brushing against Dan’s as he spoke. His eyes were still closed, though his brow had begun to furrow, which for some reason Dan thought looked kind of cute. 

“Of course,” Dan whispered in return. He kept his eyes open. Billy was handsome. He would probably be gentle if Dan asked him for that. Not that Dan should. Billy deserved whatever he wanted for what he was risking for Dan. “You deserve to be able to fuck me for what you’ve put on the line. I know I’m not as young as I used to be, but I promise I’ll be good for you.” Billy’s eyes snapped open.

He pulled on a flirtatious smile. He expected Billy to look a little surprised by his bluntness and then pleased and excited. Or maybe he’d lick his lips and drag Dan in for a kiss. Maybe he’d just shove Dan back on the bed and take him up on his offer. 

What he didn’t expect, what actually happened, was Billy shoving him away and standing up, crossing the room to the door. Dan found himself half sprawled on the bed, with Billy standing with his arms crossed over his chest, standing as far away from Dan as he could get. 

“Dan, I’m not going to rape you to make you feel like you don’t owe me,” Billy said, his voice hard like Dan had never heard it before. His words made Dan sit bolt upright.

“Hey, it’s not rape, I’m consenting.” 

“Because you think I’m going to say you owe me something. You don’t owe me anything, Dan, and I am definitely not going to accept your body as payment for anything.” 

“Oh, come on, people don’t just do anything like this just to be nice. No one’s that good,” Dan sneered. 

Billy’s face fell. He looked wounded. Dan’s heart dropped into his stomach. 

“You should go,” Billy said. He quickly unlocked his door and opened it. 

“Wait, Billy,” Dan said. His bravado dropped away. The pain on Billy’s face hurt him. 

“No, Dan. You don’t owe me anything. I’ll write it up and sign it for you. I’ll get it fucking notarized if that’s what you need. But I don’t want anything from you except to get out of my room.” 

“Billy,” Dan tried again. He stood, making his way to Billy, and therefore the door. 

“I’m not that kind of man, Dan. I don’t think you meant to, but you just called me a rapist to my face when I haven’t done anything to provoke that. I don’t think I can look at your right now.” 

Dan’s stomach turned uncomfortably. Guilt was an old friend, and it greeted him with a punch to the gut. Dan stopped in front of the open door, and in front of Billy. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Dan said quietly. 

“Well, you did,” Billy said. “So will you go away?” 

“Okay,” Dan said quietly. He slipped out of the door. He walked down to his room. He fumbled the key out of his pocket and got inside as fast as his shaking hands would let him. His legs were shaking so badly that by the time the door shut behind him, he’d dropped to his knees on the floor. 

He didn’t have to have magic powers to realize he had fucked up badly. God, he wished he had a drink. The only two things that kept him from turning around and going and finding a bar were that his legs were shaking too badly to hold him, and that Billy would be disappointed in him. He’d already hurt Billy, he didn’t need to make it any worse that evening. 

Dan crawled his way into bed and curled up on top of the covers. Covers were for people who didn’t make a man who’d given him so much look like Dan had just ripped his heart out. Sleep didn’t come easy, but Dan had an early shift with Billy for Tiny Town, and he had to be coherent. And honestly, sleeping was easier than facing the truth.

* * *

Billy was as good as normal the next day. Well, he was friendly, anyway, but Dan could feel the way Billy’s eyes followed his back whenever he turned away. Billy seemed like he wanted to act like nothing was wrong, and Dan was almost a coward enough to let him. But he did owe Billy something, even if it was just honesty. 

Come about 10 that evening, Dan went and knocked on Billy’s door. He didn’t even let himself think about it, once he’d taken his shower and gotten into his sleep clothes, he padded to Billy’s door and knocked. Billy answered instantly.

Billy was still dressed in his day clothes. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off. While Dan let himself look vulnerable, Billy made himself guarded. It shoved a lance through Dan’s heart. 

“Can I come in?” Dan asked. 

Bily didn’t say anything, he just stepped aside and allowed Dan in. Dan heard the door shut behind him. Dan turned around. Billy stood by the door; his arms crossed over his chest. He didn’t invite Dan to sit on the bed with him this night. And he didn’t smile. 

“I wanted to talk about yesterday,” Dan said. 

“Yeah, I figured,” Billy said. 

“I feel like I should apologize. That was cruel of me.” Dan dropped his gaze, feeling shame creep up his neck. He couldn’t look at Billy. 

“I just… you know, I keep running it over in my head, I can’t figure it.” 

“Can’t figure it?” Dan asked. He looked up, catching Billy’s expression. The man looked so wounded. Dan had one crazy moment where he wanted to get on his knees and beg to be forgiven. 

“Are you even gay? “ Billy asked. 

“Well, I mean, I like men and women, so,” he shrugged. “Is that… is that a problem.” 

Billy let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, Thank God. Man, I thought… I thought maybe you thought I was like, being predatory because I am gay. I thought maybe you… maybe you were straight and felt cornered and-”

“Oh, Billy no,” Dan said quickly. He could see the pain his friend carried from those thoughts.

Billy let out a weak laugh. “I just couldn’t stop worrying. I didn’t know what I did.” 

“You didn’t do anything,” Dan said quickly. “Something just always costs. On the streets-” he sucked in a breath. Then he let out a bitter laugh of his own. “Let’s just say I’ve let someone fuck me for a lot less than an actual place to sleep, a job and my self-respect.” 

“Oh God, Dan, that’s awful.” Billy sounded properly horrified, as a normal person should be. 

“If it’s any consolation, I thought you’d be kind about it.” 

“It’s not really… but I’m sorry for throwing you out last night.” Billy, good old Billy, was trying to bridge the gap between them. 

“You had every right to. I did hurt you. Worse than I thought. And I assumed something nasty about you. I didn’t want to hurt you, Billy.” 

“You were just trying to protect yourself,” Billy assured him. He closed the actual gap between them, the physical one. He crossed the room and laid his hand on Dan’s arm, giving a firm squeeze to his upper arm. 

Dan let out a sigh, a properly content noise. “It’s been too long since someone touched me and didn’t want things.” 

“Well, I guess that’s what you have me for, Dan. I’m sorry for all of this.” 

“I’m not sorry that you’re actually my friend,” Dan said seriously. The look Billy gave him twisted his heart. He just looked so hopeful and happy, and a little sad. 

“I do want to be your friend,” Billy said. 

“Are you attracted to me?” Dan asked before he could stop his big fat mouth from saying something so colossally stupid after they’d just patched things up. And his equally stupid brain said that the way Billy flushed was cute. 

“Dan!” Billy squawked. 

“Well, are you?” Dan’s stupid mouth just insisted on asking. 

Billy covered his face, hiding from Dan’s gaze, but only with one hand. The other stayed on Dan’s arm, still touching him and asking for nothing. 

“Yes,” Billy said quietly, almost in a whisper. “Yes, Dan. You’re beautiful, and I don’t know, you feel like something so good when I stand next to you. That’s why I was scared. I thought you figured it out and felt like I was going to make you…” he couldn’t even finish his words. 

Dan laid his hand over Billy’s hand that was still resting on his arm, effectively crossing his arm over his chest. “I think you’re very handsome, Billy. And I think you’re a good man. And I think if I kissed you right now, I would never regret it. Unless it ruined whatever relationship we’re building.” 

“I don’t expect-” Billy started, dropping his hand from his eyes. 

“I know,” Dan soothed. “Honestly, I may have come onto you yesterday anyway, even without my thinking wrong things.” 

“I’m your sponsor. It’s a bad idea,” Billy said. 

“So is saving a vagrant’s life, Bill. But you did. I know you did. So kiss me. I’m alive and we’re both handsome men who want each other.” 

Billy’s eyes were on his lips. Dan’s mouth quirked up in a smile. He watched Billy’s eyes trace the curve up on his lips. He watched Billy lick his lips and swallow. He was nervous. Good, Dan was too. 

“Don’t use me to replace your addiction,” Billy said, but his eyes never left Dan’s lips. 

“I won’t,” Dan said. He felt sure of it. He stepped in closer, putting his free on Billy’s hip and giving a gentle squeeze. “Kiss me?” 

And Billy did just that. He crossed that last bit of distance between them and kissed him. Dan could feel himself gasping into the kiss. He went to pursue, but Billy withdrew then. 

“That’s enough, Dan,” Billy said. Dan whined. “I know, but you’re only a few days sober and things are complicated right now. So ask me later. Ask me in a year. If you still want me, ask me then.” 

Dan knew the virtue of Billy’s words was true, but he still pouted. “You’ll have found a cute boyfriend by then, and where will that leave me?” 

Billy laughed. “You vastly overestimate both my animal magnetism and this town’s gay population. Pretty sure it’s just you, me and the old Lesbian couple who live three streets away.” 

“I’m sure there’s more than that,” Dan said dryly. Billy gave him a fond smile. 

“Perhaps, but my answer doesn’t change. If you still want me in a year, I’ll think about it.” 

“Spoil sport,” Dan grumbled. But he stepped back. He was surprised that Billy pursued him and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a tight bear hug. Tears came to the corner of Dan’s eyes. No one had hugged him like that since he was a kid, possibly since his father died. His mother just didn’t have that kind of strength in her body. 

There was something oddly comforting about feeling like his bones were about to be crushed. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he melted. 

“Just because it’s not sex doesn’t mean I won’t touch you, Dan. You need to learn to be touched again, and not just to be fucked. So just come to me. If you need to be hugged or touched, or anything. Just come to me.” 

“Okay,” Dan said against Billy’s shoulder. “I promise.” 

“Good,” Billy said. He gave one more tight squeeze and then slowly loosened his grip and stepped back. “Would you like to stay and play cards?” 

Dan grinned. “Yeah, that sounds great.” 

“I have a joke deck with guys in their underwear. I never get to use that one for anything but solitaire,” Billy said, shuffling to dig said gay joke desk out of his sock drawer. 

“The cards don’t stick together, do they?” Dan asked. He turned around and walked to the bed, dropping down onto the mattress, bouncing a bit on it. 

“No, you great asshole,” Billy said, walking over with the deck in hand. “Just for that, you get to shuffle.” 

Dan didn’t even argue, he just laughed and reached for the deck, not believing that getting a chance to examine the cards would really count as a punishment, but also not about to argue. 

Just a year? Dan thought he could make it that long, even though Billy’s fantastic laugh and perfect hair would strain him, but he thought he could wait. He would wait. He had a good feeling that Billy was worth the trouble.


	2. Snowstorms

Billy wasn’t a stupid man, but it wasn’t like Dan was all that subtle. It had been three months since Dan came to his first AA meeting. They were sitting in the back. The room was pretty small, so the back didn’t count for all that much, Dan had just decided those were their seats. Billy had never cared about having a specific seat, not as a kid, not in high school, and definitely not now. But Dan did. He cared about if things were in a place. 

Oh, he definitely pretended not to care, but the man liked habits. He liked things that made sense. He liked sitting in the back of their meeting and brushing his knuckles against Billy’s hand. Billy, meanwhile, liked letting Dan have what he wanted when it was possible. He got the sense that it had been a very long time since Dan really had anything he actually wanted. Between being homeless, and having his life be eaten whole by his addictions, Dan gave a lot away and got less than nothing in return. 

The first year of sobriety could be the hardest. Not that all years weren’t hard in their own way sometimes, but you were still learning how to be a new person who wasn’t just an addict. You had to learn new ways of living. And Dan struggled. Billy struggled too sometimes. He remembered being where Dan was. 

Was it any wonder he wanted to spoil the man? 

But they weren’t dating, and it was weird to spoil your friend, especially a guy friend. Also, Billy couldn’t spend a lot of money outside of his budget. So instead he gave Dan every bit of physical affection he wanted. After the first month, he even broke and gave Dan kisses on his cheek, or forehead, or hair. The intimacy of it wasn’t lost on Billy. Nor was the way Dan would want to crawl into his bed and curl up against his side, especially when there was a snow storm forecasted. 

Billy didn’t say no, especially because he sensed that there was something about snow storms that frightened Dan. Billy could almost bet Dan saw someone die in a snow storm. He had been homeless for a while; perhaps he’d nearly died himself. Whatever it was, Billy let Dan wear an extra pair of his socks and he wrapped an extra blanket around Dan and let Dan lay his cheek on his shoulder while Billy read the newspaper before bed. And if Billy was honest with himself, he really liked those nights a lot. 

At first they had slept sitting up, although Dan had just sprawled over him, getting fairly horizontal. But quickly, just for Billy’s back if nothing else, they decided instead to lay down with Dan on Billy’s chest. Dan clung to him in his sleep, a heavy weight that Billy found comforting. He liked seeing how peaceful Dan looked when he slept. 

Billy, rather ashamedly, had to own up to himself about the fantasies he’d had about fucking Dan until he fell into one of those deep sleeps. He wanted Dan naked on his bare chest. He wanted to touch skin when he rubbed Dan’s back. The small brushes against the skin where Dan’s shirt rode up were just not enough. And he didn’t want the reason Dan was in his bed to be fear. 

Dan was a man full of fears. He didn’t talk about his past all that much. He talked about his mother with great affection and respect, and the sadness of loss. Sometimes he stammered out something about his father, though not enough for Billy to know more about him than he existed and Dan had known him, and also he’d been stuck on the drink as well. He once or twice mentioned a man named Dick who Dan talked about as a mentor with a whispered mix of pride and shame. 

Billy understood what it was like to feel like you’d let someone down. And he was certain that was part of Dan’s fears. But there were other things, things that haunted the edges of his vision that he never put to word. He was haunted, hunted, by things he was too afraid to speak about. And Billy knew those emotions. He was an alcoholic. He went to his meetings full of people with the same look. But Dan had it worse than about anyone Billy had ever met. 

He was ashamed of himself some days for giving Dan that one year wait date. Dan needed way more time than that. And Billy was his sponsor. It was a really bad idea.

But the way Dan squeezed his hand when the meeting wrapped up calmed the raving worries in his mind. Billy let out a little breath and let go. He stood up to go mingle. Dan did the same, heading in an opposite direction, but Billy knew Dan would be following him with his eyes when people weren’t looking. Billy knew he did it because Billy did it too. 

Dan was beautiful, beautifully tragic and beautifully alive and those things made him attractive to people. The way people who knew Dan talked about him made Billy jealous and burn with pride. He’d seen the man Dan could be under all his sorrow. He’d seen it first, but Dan blossomed on his own.

Billy stuffed a donut in his mouth and tried to not let his foolish mind get away from him again. Dan was making the new woman laugh uproariously. Billy was talking with one of his friends, a local carpenter. 

“Just go kiss him,” his friend advised when Dan broke away from his conversation and made his way over to them. His friend made himself scarce before Billy could stammer out some excuse. Billy wasn’t totally out, or really out at all, and as far as he knew, he hadn’t told that friend that he was gay. 

Dan was a really bad influence, because Billy didn’t even care to worry about chasing down his friend, not when Dan came to stand at his side. 

“Let’s go home,” Dan said, clapping him on the shoulder. Billy’s heart felt too warm. 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Billy said. Dan took the lead, confidently leading Billy out. When he’d first arrived, Billy had taken him everywhere, but now Dan was familiar with this place, and the place was familiar with Dan. The beginnings of a home were forming. 

It was dark and cold. There was a good bit of snow on the ground. Dan kicked a bit as they passed a perfectly untouched patch on their path from the Church. 

“I’ll leave the door unlocked,” Billy said before Dan could say anything. 

“Thanks,” Dan said. “I should probably just leave my clothes in your room for the rest of the week with the forecast like it is.” It sounded like he was trying to make a joke, but the anxiety was so thick in his voice. 

“If you want to,” Billy said. “You’re welcome there, Dan.” 

“Thanks,” Dan said. They lapsed into a silence for a long moment, trudging along the cold, very slated pavement, the crunch of ice and the whip of the wind their closest companions as they walked. 

“You got Norma laughing,” Billy said. 

“Eh, she was just flirting,” Dan said. 

“You can be a very amusing man, Dan Torrance, besides being very handsome.” Dan rewarded that remark with a grin that was all teeth and good looks. Billy liked how Dan looked with his beard trimmed. He was handsome, too handsome for their-own good. 

“You know my dad died out in a snow storm,” Dan said suddenly, his smile dropping. 

“Oh, Dan,” Billy said, his smile dropping too. He stopped walking, but Dan just kept trudging on. Billy quickly picked up the pace and caught back up, returning to his spot walking at Dan’s side. 

“It’s… I wasn’t really sorry. But God, it’s complicated. Look, forget I said that. I shouldn’t have said that.” The first three words had sounded like a joke. The last three were a panicked screech. 

Billy put his arm around Dan’s shoulders. He worried for a moment that Dan would rip away, but he didn’t. He pressed into Billy, like always. 

“I won’t ask,” Billy said. “I’m still sorry.” 

“Yeah,” Dan said. He went silent for about ten foot falls. Then he spoke again: “Me too.”

Without thought for the thousands of reasons of why it was a bad idea, Billy pressed a kiss against Dan’s hair. He didn’t think about the fact that he was Dan’s sponsor and a new relationship may throw Dan off his recovery, or that kissing Dan when Billy knew Dan wanted him might be cruel, or that Billy wasn’t actually out and probably shouldn’t be seen kissing Dan outside unless he wanted to be very out. All he thought was how soft Dan’s hair was and how trusted he felt when Dan relaxed against his side. 

“Let’s go home. We can shower off the snow and cold and I’ll get us hot chocolate, and we can curl up under the blankets and my room and tell ghost stories,” Billy suggested. 

Dan laughed wetly. “How about bad jokes instead?” 

“I can work with that,” Billy said. Remembering his father’s death probably didn’t make Dan like ghost stories. Billy had a feeling that if he really cared about Dan, he should never mention ghosts ever again. 

“Okay, I like your idea,” Dan said. Billy felt inspired to kiss Dan’s hair again, so he did. Dan let out the most contented sigh Billy had ever heard from the man. It was noises like that which made Billy curse himself for making Dan wait. 

“Well, let’s get home then,” Billy said. He started guiding them the more direct route back to their lodgings. 

He did eventually let his arm drop from around Dan’s shoulders. Dan didn’t comment or seem bothered. They went their separate ways to their rooms, but only to grab shower caddies and head to the showers. When Billy first moved in, he’d been thrown by the communal showers, but he’d long since gotten used to it. 

It also meant that Billy already knew what Dan looked like naked, since Dan was a shameless flirt who didn’t properly secure his towel around his waist. He was very aware that Dan liked it when he looked. Maybe that was why, still feeling Dan’s almost palpable distress, Billy was a little less careful about when he took off his towel. Or maybe it was because he liked the appreciative looks he could occasionally catch Dan giving him. Either way, it was a bad idea. 

The shower stalls were next to each other, and had two sets of curtains, much like a dorm room shower, one where you could leave your things, and one to block off the shower. There was no reason for Billy to be standing, leaning his hip against the stall, naked as a jay. Hell, Dan even had his towel up for once. 

Dan looked vulnerable for a moment, slowly letting his eyes run up and down Billy’s body. Dan wasn’t scared and he didn’t try to touch. It seemed to Billy that Dan could tell this was just for him and he appreciated it. 

“You’re beautiful, Billy,” Dan said before ducking into the stall. Billy ducked into his own, blushing hot. He quickly stepped past the second curtain and started the water. 

“Thank, Dan,” he mumbled once the water was on. He didn’t know if Dan would even be able to hear him past the water. 

“Hey Billy? You ever think about me when you’re jacking off?” Dan asked, his humor back in his tone, though his words threw Billy for a real loop. 

“Seriously Torrance?” he asked dryly. “You’re such a piece of shit sometimes, I swear.” 

Dan cackled. Billy started to lather up. “I mean it, though. Do you think about me?” 

“I think about you a lot, Dan. In a thousand different ways that have nothing to do with sex.” 

“But sex too.” 

“Yes, you great annoyance,” Billy said. He wasn’t washing his hair. He didn’t want to have to redo the braids that evening. More than that, he really wanted to escape that conversation before Dan got any bright ideas. The menace.

“I think about you,” Dan says. “I think about how it would have been if you hadn’t turned me down.”

Billy’s hands stilled in his scrubbing. The air seemed heavy. “Neither of us would have been happy with that arrangement.” 

“I know, that’s why it’s a fantasy. Do I make you uncomfortable?” 

“Sometimes,” Billy admitted. “I care about you a lot, Dan Torrance. I don’t want to cause you a set back because I can’t control myself.” 

“But you still let me see you just now.” Dan’s voice was almost small. It was quieter than Billy expected to be able to hear over the water.

“I did,” Billy said. There was silence for a moment. Billy went back to lathering his body. This was way beyond too far. But he still didn’t regret it. 

“You’re beautiful, Billy,” Dan’s voice carried over the stall wall. “You’re so beautiful. You shine so bright that sometimes it hurts to look at you. I’m… lucky to have met you. You remind me all the time that there are things worth waiting for. That’s all I can do some days. I want a drink, but I just think ‘wait a little longer, Dan’. And then I do. And this is the longest I’ve been sober since my mom died. Sometimes I lose my temper and I think ‘wait a little longer, Dan.’ So, I keep my hands to myself and the poison in my mouth instead of spitting on someone else. And then I see you and I think ‘wait a little longer, Dan.’ And you invite me into your bed and it’s not like waiting. Not exactly. It doesn’t kill me, because you’re holding my hand. And I think you’re waiting too.” 

Billy could barely breathe. Dan was so sincere. “Your words are beautiful, Dan. Maybe you should write them down some day.” 

Dan laughed bitterly. “My dad was a writer. That’s not a trap I’m going to fall into.” 

Billy found himself laughing, and Dan was laughing too. Billy stuffed his head under the shower head, washing off the lather. 

“I am waiting for you,” Billy said. He shut off the water and went to get his towel. “And now I hope you’ll wait while I get us hot chocolate.” 

“I’ll meet you in your room.” He heard Dan’s water shut off too. 

Billy dried and headed back to his room to change as fast as he could and go to the kitchens to get the milk heating. He was going to spoil Dan a little this evening if he could. Dan was right, they were both waiting, but he was also right that waiting didn’t have to hurt.


	3. Bookstore

Dan had been thinking rather longingly of Florida during the winter months, but now that it was April and raining, Dan was glad he was too north for the level of humidity Florida achieved after a rain storm. Rain didn’t hurt the way snow storms did, but Dan didn’t really like stuff coming from the sky. He didn’t like how he couldn’t drive the train in the rain. He didn’t like the way so many of the patients in hospice had hurting joints when it rained. He didn’t like getting wet, not like that anyway. 

The rain reminded him of too many times he’d found himself sleeping in boxes that flooded, or how even in the spring there could be a cold snap which would freeze his soaked body to chill and illness. Spring made him think of storms and colds. Both were easier to deal with when you had a roof over your head. Dan had managed not to get sick yet. Proper meals, a dependable jacket and a warm bed definitely helped. 

His mysterious pen pal drew a storm cloud with a smiley face this morning, and then wrote the phrase “I love the rain. My umbrella looks like a duck”. Dan had smiled, seeing that. At least someone got joy out of the bad weather. 

Dan liked his jobs. It felt like balance. He helped people pass on. He attended to their needs and offered as much dignity as he could to their passing along every step. And when it got too heavy, he had shifts in Tiny Town, driving kids around in a giant train and getting to experience so much life from the excited children both making the growing attraction and enjoying the fruits of the older kids’ labor. 

He expressed this to Billy at some point. Billy and just rubbed his back and smiled at him. Billy often didn’t need to say things for Dan to get them. He could feel Billy’s feelings through their touches. So many months since they’d come to this little arrangement and the touches had never shifted to anything more than innocent. They weren’t dating. They hadn’t kissed on the mouth or anywhere more intimate than a European cheek kiss, not since that first night. But sometimes they would hold hands in the dark when their landlady decided to show a movie in her living room. Surrounded by their housemates, but utterly alone except for how they clung to each other. 

That was how Dan thought of their relationship. Billy had other friends, and he was respected and loved in this town. His vouching for Danny had been enough to get him a home and work. Billy didn’t really need Dan, but he still spent so much time with Dan. Dan was getting friendly with others, making friends, becoming normal for the first time in possibly his entire life. But still, he returned to Billy. They returned to each other.

Some days Dan thought he’d die before he got a chance for Billy to fuck him. Other days he thought he’d die the first time Billy kissed him once the year was over. How was it so possible to feel so certain and so afraid of something at the same time? He wondered if his mother felt that way, back when she’d just met his father, back when they still loved each other.

It was a memory that returned to him now that he wasn’t drinking to hide from himself. He remembered being a little boy, before the Overlook, and before everything went to hell, when his father was still clean. His mother waffled between if she should leave or not. But whenever his father returned home, no matter how anxious she felt before that, she would feel nothing but love when she saw him. And his father felt love for her. 

Dan had been shining too bright into the darkness then. He’d been able to feel that love. He knew it was true. It made everything so painful and complicated. Perhaps if his father had been a bastard entirely then losing him wouldn’t have hurt so badly. Perhaps what happened never would have happened. Dan had lived too many years in the world of perhaps. He didn’t let his thought stray too deeply into possibilities long past. 

Instead he wished his mother would come visit him, just for a moment. He wished he could introduce her to Billy, or at least point him out to her and go “see him? I love him, mom. He’s the most wonderful man to ever exist. Did you ever feel like this?” 

She probably would have liked Billy. More than probably. He was pretty certain she would have. 

He missed her, but the AA meetings just reminded him that it was okay to miss her. He’d hid himself too long from his grief. He had to feel it sometime if he wanted to live. It was catching up to him, but it didn’t seem as scary. A lot of things (although not everything), were less terrifying when he knew he could crawl into someone’s bed after a nightmare. 

He really did want Billy to kiss him. He had about half a year left to wait. The wait felt never ending. 

“Wait a little longer, Dan,” he told himself. 

“Uh-oh,” Billy’s voice broke through his reverie. “Is it the drink?” 

“It’s you, my friend,” Dan said, smiling a little. Billy’s cheek darkened, which made Dan’s little smile turn into a grin. “Actually, I think I may have managed a good hour and a half of not thinking of it, not really.” 

“Sorry for breaking your streak.” Billy dropped into the seat next to him by the window. 

“It’s fine. I was thinking a little. But just about my father… and how things look different now that I’m older,” Dan said. “But I wasn’t… I didn’t crave it. I’m not sure I’ve actually managed that before.” 

“That’s a big deal, Dan,” Billy said, pride running deep in his voice. 

“It is,” Dan said, still smiling. He was proud of himself too. At first, the little victories had seemed like shit, but slowly he came to accept them for what they were: actual victories, ones that weren’t really all that small. Accepting that just getting up to go to talk to someone rather than stewing his in wants was a big deal and had been hard. It had taken a lot of work to truly know that while such things may be easy for someone who hadn’t spent years of their life drunk, it was a big deal for him. He was an alcoholic. Those “small victories” were hard won, and he had every right to be proud of them. 

“It’s going to be raining all week,” Billy said, that bit of shine in him appearantly picking up a bit of Dan’s earlier thoughts. 

“I heard as much too. I know there’s always other work to do, but I miss driving the train. Is that silly?” 

Billy laid his hand on his shoulder and gave a firm squeeze. “Not at all, my friend. Actually, I was thinking to may be time to introduce you to the area a little more.” 

“I know where the Naughty Ice Cream bar is. I know where my job is, and the corner store, home and the church. What else is there to know?” It used to be he’d come right into town and find the closest bar. Dan had gone out of his way to avoid knowing where the bars were, to the best of his ability. If he passed one, he noted it and remembered where it was. Like the liquor shelf at the store. It was like a center of gravity he circled around some days. On those days he would try to avoid the store entirely.

“There’s this little bookstore not too far off. Come on, you need to wander a bit.” 

“But-” Dan started and then cut himself off. 

“But?” Billy asked, his eyes dancing with amusement. 

“It’s working hours.” Dan indicated the inventory they were hypothetically supposed to be taking. Not that the inventory had to be done that often. They weren’t a store. They just tended to the grounds of the town square. There was a store room with supplies. But they had already tarped the Tiny Town pieces that weren’t quite finished and the train was parked out of the rain. Inventory was about all they could do at that moment. 

“Eh, no one’s going to care that much. It’s a small town, Dan. People take time off sometimes. And we can’t even do our primary duty because it’s raining,” Billy pointed out. 

“You’re certain?” 

“I used to take weeks off at a time for hunting trips. It’s fine.” 

“Really, you a Hunter?” 

Billy shook his head. “I’ll tell you that story some other time. For now, grab your umbrella, we’re going to go find some books.” 

Dan didn’t even try to argue. He would rather be anywhere then trapped in a concrete room counting hoses all day. They locked up and headed out into the rain, which let up enough to not soak them as they walked, although the cuffs of Dan’s pants got thoroughly wet rather quickly. He hoped that there would be a fire back at their lodging. That really was the best way to dry off. But it also wasn’t too cold (by the Northern way of thinking, anyway). Dan knew it wasn’t everyone else’s fault that he’d spent so many years in warmer climates, but he was considering ordering a heater blanket for days just like this when his landlady didn’t want to have the heat on. 

“Why the book store?” Dan asked. 

“Because you’ve been pinching my books, and I can tell you don’t really care about old baseball pulps.”

Dan couldn’t help but grin at that pronouncement. “I suppose that is true.” 

They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence to Frazier Books. Dan had to admit that for being that close to where he worked half the week, Dan hadn’t even had any idea that the bookstore existed. Maybe Bill was right that he wasn’t exploring as much as he should. 

The shut their umbrellas under the overhang at the front door and left them in the umbrella stand just inside the door. The inside was cozy, wall to ceiling with books, and multiple rooms filled with the things. Navigating the shop was made difficult by the tight halls made of tall bookshelves and the labyrinthine nature of having to fit so many books in a store which had once been a small two bedroom home. 

Dan had two strong, warring memories assault his mind at once. The first was of his father taking him to a book store near Stovington, the school where his father once worked. He wouldn’t be allowed to wander too far, but he also didn’t want to wander off. His father seemed to like to look at every book in the store and Dan had wanted to be with him along every step of the way. The second memory was after, when they moved to Florida, and his mother tried to take him to a bookstore. He wouldn’t step foot inside, as if he thought the words themselves had taken his father way, though he’d known it was preposterous even then. 

Dan cleared his throat as they walked back to the Western section. “It’s been a long time.” 

“I imagine so,” Billy said. 

“Longer than I want to admit,” Dan added. He laid his hand over a book his mother used to read to him as a boy. Much of it had gone over his head then, but he’d been young enough to like the ideas of adventure that came with the “Old West”. 

“You said your father was a writer?” Billy asked. 

“Yeah,” Dan said, his throat going dry. “That’s why… after, you know?” 

“I get it,” Billy said. Dan felt Billy lean against him under the pretense of looking at the books, although Dan had a feeling that Billy really didn’t care for Westerns at all. Billy was Maori, and Dan didn’t have to be psychic to figure Billy probably didn’t like books that used terms like “noble savage”.

“What types of books do you like? Besides crappy sports stories.” 

Billy bumped his hip hard, making Dan laugh a little. “You’re the one who cried when we watched The Champ.”

“It’s The Champ. You have to be a monster not to cry. Now come on, fess up.” 

Billy let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, I like horror stories, but I know you don’t.” 

“I don’t… hate them,” Dan said quickly, but found himself making a face. He wondered why he’d never noticed anything in Billy’s room but pulp novels about sports teams beating the odds. Billy must have gotten a read on him or something. 

“Please don’t lie,” Billy said. 

“How about Monster stories, like Frankenstein or something?” Dan suggested. 

“You’ve read that one before, I take it?” Billy said. He was giving Dan a disbelieving look, but he did start to walk toward the entire room dedicated to horror stories. There was a window to the outside in the room, giving a lovely view of a parking lot and tree. There was also a window on the inner wall between the hall and the horror room so one could look into the room without going in. Dan stood by the door while Billy started to walk around the little room full of new and used books. 

“My mother liked it, I think. I don’t really remember, except I remember the story decently well, but I’m pretty certain I didn’t read it on my own.” Dan crossed over his arms. There were paper skeletons hanging from the ceiling of the room, like there was a cow skull with a cowboy hat in the Western section. 

“Fair, I bet. Let me see if I can find something with a big hairy monster,” Billy said, kneeling down to look. “You don’t have to stay and watch. I bet you have other things you like.” 

“I like spending time with you,” Dan said quickly.

“You’re not even comfortable enough to come into the room,” Billy said, tearing his eyes from the books to look at Dan. “I won’t be long, I promise.” 

“Okay,” Dan said. He pushed himself away from the doorjamb and headed further into the store. He got a sense of the lay of it, since the back portion was dedicated to movies and the register. He doubled back, ducking into some of the side rooms he hadn’t stepped into earlier. 

Nearer to the front, only a little past where Billy was still perusing, was decently large room comprised entire of (stuffed to the gills with) the kinds of romance paperbacks his mother used to buy from the grocery store. She mentioned once or twice that his father referred to them as “over blown fluff pieces” and “escapism for needy women”. The way she said it made him think his father had, at the time, been joking and that she had laughed with him back then. But time and tragedy had stripped away all humor from the phrases. They left only biting, angry words that Dan imagined his mother thought of every time she used her pocket change to purchase a book that brought her a little joy. 

Inside that room, almost a closet in its own right, were a shelf and a half that could generously be described as the “Gay Section”. A glance across the spines told Dan all he needed to know. All of the books were either about AIDS or old school tragedies where one or both of the lovers had to die horribly in the end to get past the censors. 

“Small town,” he whispered to himself, knowing it was a miracle to have that much even. Still, he cast his eyes back to the romance paper backs, and then to the door to the hall. He couldn’t see Billy, but he knew he was there. Maybe with Billy, Dan could believe in something as cheesy as a Happily Ever After. 

Dan stepped properly back into the room with the romance pulps. He grabbed one with a woman and a cowboy on the front. A quick glance on the bad revealed a summary of a story that he was certain his mother would have liked. Dan had never actually read a romance novel before, but just a glance at the plot had him grabbing three other books with varying covers. 

Beautiful people, who against all odds, fell in love and lived happily. No death. The bad guys were truly bad and the good guys were good. He craved something like that, though in his heart he wished he’d seen at least one book in the Gay Closet which included two men staged the same way as a Lord and a Lady would be on one of the paperbacks he had hugged to his chest. 

“Found something good among the bodice rippers?” Billy asked, breaking into his thoughts. 

“I found the Gay Closet,” Dan said, motioning to his earlier find. 

Billy let out a surprised laugh and ducked around Dan to check it out. “I didn’t even realize this was here. It sounds like such a horrible joke.” 

“Pretty sure they aren’t thinking that hard about it,” Dan admitted. “It seems like all good reads for a depressing day.” 

“Hmm, sounds about right,” Billy said, examining one of the books, one of the old gay tragedies. There was a want in his eyes, a curiosity. 

“You want that one?” Dan asked. 

Billy shrugged and tried to put it back, but Dan grabbed it from his hands. “I’m not… people, don’t know, Dan. I can’t risk it.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t care if people know about me,” Dan said. “Pick the ones you want, I’ll buy them.” 

“You don’t have to,” Billy said quickly. 

“It’ not an imposition to get you things you want, Billy. I mean it, pick what you want.” Dan knew his expression was serious. He meant what he said. Billy must have seen that in his eyes because he turned back to the Gay Closet and spent time looking through the selection. 

Neither Billy nor Dan made all that much, but Dan wasn’t really spending a lot at this point. He didn’t buy new things, having put it off as long as he could, as if he were afraid buying something and settling in would make him fall off the wagon again. The pulps didn’t cost much, but the four books Billy picked weren’t so used or cheap. But Dan didn’t say anything, just gathered the books and marched right to the counter. 

Dan could practically feel Billy nervously fluttering behind him while he paid for his books. The old woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow when she rung him up. She glanced past him to Billy, so Dan was pretty certain she knew Billy. But then, everyone seemed to know Billy. 

“Don’t think you’ll get many ladies this way, by pretending to be sensitive,” the old woman scolded him. Dan let out a surprised laugh. 

“I promise that’s not my intent,” he said. He pulled cash from his wallet and paid. She was looking at him funny, but didn’t comment for the rest of the transaction. Once he had his books he slipped back out past Billy to wait for him by the door. 

He felt better, lighter, standing there holding the type of books he’d always been too chicken to try. 

“Thanks again,” Billy said quietly when he caught up to him. “Mrs. Smith was asking questions about you.” The anxiety in his voice was thick. Dan wished he could hug him and make it better. Instead he gathered his umbrella from the stand. 

“Let them all ask,” Dan said. 

They stepped out back into the rain, which had effectively stopped. It was just chilly and damp. They began the trudge toward the ice cream bar, stepping around puddles and trying not to bump into each other in the process. 

“You must think I’m a coward,” Billy said quietly when they were a good bit away from the book store. 

“I don’t, Billy, I promise. It’s going to be a long time before I’m not that bum you helped out. And while they already know I’m a drunk and smelly loser, they might as well know I’m bisexual. It can’t make them mistrust me more.” 

“It could,” Billy said. The anxiety was back, thick enough to cut with a knife. 

“Maybe. I do want to build a life here, but I don’t know. I used to suck dick for shots. I’ve been threatened at knife point and gun point, and axe point, actually.” He shrugged. “If they always think I’m strange, then so be it. You don’t think about me like that.” 

Billy chuckled ruefully and shook his head. “I feel like such a coward when you say things like that. You’re so brave.” 

“No, Billy, I’m the coward. I’ve spent a majority of my life running, afraid of my feelings and who I was. You’re very sure of yourself. If you don’t want to tell people things about you, I trust that you have your reasons. I don’t think less of you for it. It just doesn’t really work for me. Is that okay?” 

Billy bumped lightly against his arm. “Yeah, Dan, it does. I haven’t found anything about you that doesn’t work for me.” 

Dan found his face as suddenly hot as it possibly had ever been. Billy was smirking at him and looking so good doing it. Dan wanted to kiss him. Hell, he wanted to pin Billy against the closest surface and get a good taste of that infuriating mouth. 

‘Wait, Dan. Just a little long.’ A voice whispered in his mind. Dan took a breath and let it out. A little longer, he’d keep waiting. 

“You’re buying me ice cream” Dan said, opting to pick a safer topic.

“Yeah, that sounds like a fair trade.” Billy opened the door to the ice cream shop for him and Dan stepped right in. 

Just a little longer. He could wait.


	4. Beautiful

Billy was very certain he shouldn’t have been counting down days. He managed not to, until Dan had his one year chip in his hand. Then Billy couldn’t help but begin to feel itchy. He never had kicked himself so hard about asking for a year as the handful of days between Dan’s one year mark of sobriety and the one year anniversary of Billy asking Dan to wait. That whole year had been filled with so much promise and absolutely no follow through. While his mind and his heart did appreciate Dan’s willingness to wait, but body, especially his dick, was really wishing Dan would just get on with it. 

He woke up the morning of the big day, wishing Dan had wanted to stay the night in his bed the previous night. He doubted they would have made it to the morning without ripping each other’s clothes off, though, so Billy did see the logic of waiting. As he saw the logic of Dan keeping his hands to himself during the entire day. But once dinner was over, Billy could admit he was starting to get antsy. 

But he waited. At 10:30 there was a familiar knock on the door. He practically vaulted his bed in the rush to get to it. It was Dan, looking beautiful and comfortable in his pajamas, one of his romance books in his hand. “Can I read in here for a while?” 

“Sure,” Billy said, doing his best not to sound disappointed. They would sometimes tuck into Billy’s bed and read before it was time to go to sleep. Neither of them had work the next morning, so it wasn’t a bad night for it, even at that hour. Or it wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t for what day it was. 

Still, Billy sensed he shouldn’t ask yet. He let Dan snuggle up against him in his bed, and tuck under his covers with him. Billy put his arm around him, and Dan laid his head against Billy’s shoulder. The closeness eased some of the almost painful need dancing along Billy’s skin. 

Time slipped by, Billy letting most everything but his book and the warmth of Dan’s body slip from his mind. Then, the annoying little beep of the crappy watch Dan bought himself went off. 

“What’s that for?” Billy asked. 

“It’s 12:01,” Dan said, bookmarking his book and setting it aside. Billy followed his example and did the same for his book. 

“And?” Billy asked. 

“And it’s been over a year since you asked me to wait before I asked you to fuck me again,” Dan said. 

Billy bit out a surprised laugh. “Yes it is,” he said. 

“So?” Dan asked. “Will you fuck me?” 

Billy’s chuckled became a loud laugh. “You’re so insistent.” 

“My boyfriend gave me blue balls for a year,” Dan whined. 

Billy laughed against, shifting them so he was over top of Dan, bracketing him in. “Is that what I am now? Your boyfriend?” 

“God, I hope so.” The look in Dan’s eyes was a painful hope and a touch of fear. Dan licked his lips nervously. “I saved myself for a whole year for you. I spend every day with you. I sleep in your bed more than I sleep in mine, and I’m in love with you. And I think you love me too.” 

“I do love you, Dan,” Billy said. “And I do want to fuck you. But first, I’m going to kiss you.” 

“Thank God!” Dan nearly shouted. He grabbed Billy by the ears and dragged him down, crashing their mouths into each other. Dan’s lips really were as soft as they looked, and tasted faintly for cherry chapstick. It was a slightly insane thought, but Billy was suddenly certain that Dan had been using chapstick for a month getting ready for this moment. 

They kissed and kissed. Billy felt like a teenager, his mouth seeking out Dan’s over and over. He would kiss the corner of his mouth and then his bottom lip and then his full mouth. The brush of tongues had his heart racing. After a few moments of those needy, hungry, seeking kisses, Billy forcibly had to sit up. It had more than a year since he’d had another person and those kisses shared with Dan (beautiful Dan, who Billy had seen in the shower often enough to know just how he looked and who Billy had touched himself to the thought of so many times) already had him hard. If he wanted to do more than kiss, he had to take a breath. 

Dan seemed equally effected. He looked up at Billy like Billy was the sun and Dan was the earth who orbited him. Dan bit his bottom lip and Billy itched to bite it for him. 

“I’m ready for you,” Dan said. 

“Not until I have time to prep you, if you do want me to fuck you.” 

“No, I did that earlier.” 

“What do you mean?” Billy’s voice came out strangled. 

Dan turned pink, a beautiful color on a beautiful man. “I ordered myself a plug, and I got myself prepped for him after dinner. I’m ready whenever you want to take me.” 

“Fuck,” Billy breathed out. “Fuck,” he said again. He pushed himself off the bed and started to undress as fast as he could. “Strip, Torrance. I’m going to give you everything you want.” 

Dan jumped to do as he was told, ripping off all of his clothes and then climbing right back into bed. Fuck, Dan looked good there, naked and spread out on Billy’s sheets like he didn’t belong anywhere else in the world. Hell, this was basically Dan’s bed with how good he looked lying there. 

“I’ve never seen a man as beautiful as you are,” Billy said. He ran an appreciative hand up Dan’s ribs. Dan tipped his head back, letting out a soft groan. His body arched lightly into that touch. 

“It’s all because of how you look at me, Billy. You make me beautiful.” Dan’s words about made Billy swallow his own tongue. For someone who never wanted to set pen to paper, he came up with some of the most beautiful things Billy had ever heard. And because Dan never wrote them down they were just for Billy, only for him. They were little gifts that Billy would never have to share. 

He’d never received anything so lovely as Dan Torrance. 

“Roll over for me, beautiful,” Billy said. He then got the joy of watching Dan do as he was told and roll over onto his stomach. Billy ran his knuckles down Dan’s spine while Dan hugged onto his pillow. He looked perfectly content there. Finally, Billy let his gaze drop down to Dan’s frankly delicious bottom. 

“I don’t say this lightly, but you look quite fetching like this,” Billy told him, eyeing the pale pink plug settled between Dan’s cheeks. Dan was so fair skinned and the pink just seemed to complement him. It made the plug looked like it belonged there. 

“Fetching, huh?” Dan sounded delightfully amused. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but never fetching.” 

“I was talking about your ass.” He gave Dan’s left cheek a little pat as if to punctuate that point. 

Perhaps a beat of silence passed between them before they were doubled over, giggling like idiots. Billy rested his forehead against Dan’s lower back. He could feel Dan convulsing with the giggles just like he was. It was just dumb, and yet Billy was pretty certain he’d never felt safe enough with anyone to laugh when something was supposed to be really sexy. But by God, this was really sexy even still. 

Dan had taken time to prep himself for Billy and then waited an hour and a half snuggled against Billy’s side so he could be certain there were no extra barriers Billy could put between them. It was a very vulnerable, telling thing for Dan to do, really. Intimate. 

Billy caught Dan’s eye. Dan had his head half buried in arm, but tilted up, trying to see him. There was something in his expression, almost indecipherable. But it wasn’t complicated, it was simple and sad. Dan wanted him. Whatever motivated that feeling almost didn’t matter then, not in that moment. The next mornings and in the many mornings to follow, they would have time to sort it out. But in that moment, Dan wanted Billy, and Billy wanted Dan. 

“I love you,” Billy said. He dropped his gave to the plug and gripped the base between two fingers. Dan groaned when Billy pulled it out. 

Billy had to shift away to his bedside, where he kept the lube and condoms. Dan wasn’t the only one who had prepared for this night. Dan made a needy whine, drawing Billy’s attention back to him. 

“Just hold on, Beautiful, give me a moment,” Billy’s voice was fond. He imagined his gaze was too, because Dan, who had turned to watch him when he moved, suddenly had very wide eyes. Sometimes Dan got that expression when Billy was being particularly warm toward him. It was as endearing as it was sad. 

“Okay, Billy,” Dan whispered. 

Billy rolled on the condom and spread some of the lube on his cock, wincing a bit at the chill of it. A little more awkward maneuvering and he was back behind Dan. Dan pushed his ass up, right against Billy’s cock. It was Billy’s turn to groan. It took another moment to maneuver so Billy was lined up, but once he pushed inside all he felt was hot warmth. 

They stilled for a moment, adjusting to the feelings. Neither of them had slept with anyone else for at least a year. Dan had no idea the last time Dan had someone in him. He knew far too well how long it had been since he’d had someone in him. It was a giddy thought, the idea of letting Dan fuck him next time. He loved it, really. Because he loved Dan, and Dan loved him and they had all the time in the world to do whatever they wanted. 

“Move, please?” Dan asked plaintively. How could Billy do anything but oblige? He went slow, just to get his rhythm but one he had it he set a good pace. For every thrust in, Dan rocked back to meet him. Dan was bearing a lot of weight on his knees and toes. That was where all the rocking was, and Billy could feel that intimately. But the real show came from the line of Dan’s back, running from Billy’s cock all the way down his spine to Dan’s shoulders, bearing the rest of his weight and pressed properly into the mattress Billy was fucking him into. 

“Beautiful, beautiful,” Billy declared. His brain felt scrambled, too full with the feeling of each thrust and the lust of seeing such an amazing man open and wanting and needy just for him, to think of more words than just that one. 

“Love you, love you,” Dan answered in return. That earned Dan a couple of hard thrusts in rapid succession, which in turn earned a surprised laugh of pleasure out of Dan. It was a beautiful sound, so after a few slower thrusts Billy did it again. It won him the same giddy laughter as it had the last time. How could anyone be so perfect? 

Their whole world became that moment. There were no addictions, or sorrows, or other people or life outside of that moment and the tight heat of Dan’s hole around Billy’s cock. They were joined, just them and their desire and the feelings they milked from each other. It seemed to Billy that all that joy they were feeling bled out, coloring everything around them until all there was in the universe was pleasure. 

About the moment that thought hit, the physical act caught up to him. He move one of his hands off Dan’s hips and began stroking Dan. He found almost instantly that he enjoyed the silky feeling of Dan’s cock pressed into his palm. Dan hadn’t been silent before, but he had to grab the pillow and muffle his groans and curses into it. Their walls weren’t that thick, after all. Billy sped up, chasing his pleasure while he bought Dan along with him. 

He felt that edge upon him and finished himself off with a quick but punishing pace for a few bare seconds. He came with soft, wet gasps, carrying Dan over the edge with him as Dan spilled into his hand. 

The bright world became dark and quiet, the way it became when Billy turned off the light and they tucked against one another to sleep. It was that moment when both were still awake, but sleep would upon them soon. It was those few precious seconds of trust and safety. That was the same as the moment they shared, still pressed together, just breathing, but no longer driven by the needs of lust.

Billy slowly pulled himself out, letting go of Dan’s hips. Dan collapsed entirely, burying his head into the pillow. “Wake me for Christmas,” Dan groaned into Billy’s pillow. 

“Not a chance, we have to change the sheets and we could both use a shower,” Billy said, wiping Dan’s semen off on the sheets he would be throwing into the wash in a few minutes.

Dan groaned. “Damn you for being sensible.” 

“Sorry, my love,” Billy said. He bent down and kissed Dan’s spine. As he righted himself he caught a glimpse of Dan grinning at him. 

“You do love me, better than anyone I’ve ever met before,” Dan said. 

“Well, you have met some shit people before,” Billy said. “So that shouldn’t be hard.” Dan gave him a little kick, which didn’t have enough time to get enough force to hurt, since Billy was sitting too close. 

“Ass,” Dan said. He pushed him up, stretching and rolling his shoulders. “What I meant is… I’m glad you made me wait. But damn, if you make me wait that long again.” 

Billy let out a surprised laugh. “I won’t, Dan, I promise.” 

“Okay, good. I’ll help you strip the bed and we can shower.” He slid off the bed, making a little ‘mm’ of discomfort when he jostled his bottom. 

“Hold on for a second,” Billy said. He stepped in front of Dan and caught his face between his hands. Billy gave his boyfriend a couple of well deserved kisses. “Thank you for waiting me. Thank you for thinking I’m worth it.” 

“You’re worth the wait and so much more.” Dan’s came up to cup one of Billy’s. Dan closed his eyes, leaning into that touch as much as he cradled Billy’s hand. Billy’s heart flipped over, and he allowed himself to give in to the silly, fond notion to kiss Dan’s forehead. 

“You kissed me,” Dan said, sounding half surprised, but mostly amused. 

“I’m going to do it a lot from now on, I think you’ll find. And I think you’ll like it.” 

“Oh, definitely. No doubt. I want you to kiss me at least seven times a day, every day for the rest of their lives.” Dan’s eyes were open, bright with color and emotion. 

“I can do that, Dan.” Billy kissed him again and then drew him up. “But now, let’s get these chores done so we can get some sleep.” 

“Roger,” Dan said, chuckling to himself. Together they stripped the sheets, dressed enough to get to the throw the sheets into the washer, make it shower and to get Dan’s toy cleaner so they could take care of that task in the bedroom as well. They showered in the same stall, feeling safe to do so, since most of the other tenants tended to not bathe at that hour. A couple of kisses were exchanged, but largely it was bathing and Dan being allowed to wash Billy’s hair, under careful instruction. 

It was nearly 1:30 by the time they were able to crawl back into bed to sleep after their chores. Billy was fine leaving his sheets in the dryer over night, as he had a spare set. Even being in bed, it still took time before they attempted sleep. Dan was very insistent on being able to brush Billy’s hair. Dan had helped Billy braid his hair often enough he could have done that too if Billy let him. But Billy opted to leave his hair down. Dan clearly didn’t mind, as he got to run his fingers through Billy’s hair as they lay completely wrapped up in each other. Hundreds of times they had shared a bed already. The beds were small and they always had to sleep tucked close against each other. But this time was different. They, the relationship between them, were different. For one thing, it finally had a label. For another, it finally had a proof of commitment. Physically it was different too. They twined their legs together and Dan held Billy’s hand, placing a kiss on each finger. 

“I’m never going to regret knowing you,” Billy found himself saying suddenly. 

“I don’t think you do,” Dan said, sounding confused. 

“I know not now. But maybe you will someday. I just want you to remember this moment.” It seemed important that Billy say this. Whatever it was, whatever reason it would be for Dan to need to hear those words, Billy knew it wouldn’t be for a very long time. But for some reason it needed to be said now, so that Dan would remember. 

“I won’t ever forget this moment, Billy. I just got fucked by my boyfriend for the first time, who happens to be the most beautiful man in the world.” Dan grinned at him and Billy grinned back, love lighting in his heart. “And now I get to sleep with him. Tomorrow I’ll wake up wrapped up in him. And I’ll know that this is how it’s going to be now.” 

Billy rubbed their noses together. Dan closed his eyes when he rubbed back and the settled in, clearly ready for sleep. “This is how it is now,” Billy said. The words reassured him. This was who they were now, boyfriends, lovers, friends, together. 

He closed his eyes too, warmed by the love he felt from the man nestled safely in his arms. Together they drifted off to sleep, aware of the world that was opening out before them come the dawn. It was good like that. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to Luvewan for reading this along the way and encouraging me! I'm slowly reading the Shining and I haven't read Doctor Sleep yet, so this is mostly me going from the movie.


End file.
